If You Court this Disaster
by lynne z
Summary: A series of posteps for the major GE episodes of season six, but set up as a sequel to my fic Mr. Monk goes to Major Case.
1. Blind Spot

**Disclaimer: No own, no profit, no sue.**

**A/N: This is a series of post-eps for the major G/E episodes of season six. It's an attempt to incorporate the major events into my little CI verse that started with my fic Beginnings, though I am being liberal with the specifics. Madison is five when this picks up. Reviews are much appreciated.**

**p.s. have you guys seen the preview for Amends?? Looks pretty intense, but I'm glad they're finally delving into Eames' character…I love her…**

"Blind Spot"

_She felt the muscles in her arms stretching, tearing, and could just barely tap her toes to the ground. _

_Her senses swam in the black material covering her eyes and sweat, produced only partially from the heat, dripped down her neck and back._

_Screams, shrill and hopeless filled the sticky air. She recalled the feel of metal against her face; a threat of what was to come and knew that she would soon be the one no longer able to recognize her own voice from the strain of her screams._

_"Don't scream, don't scream," she silently chanted to herself and the other girl._

_Then there was silence; nothingness._

"Hey," Goren's voice stabbed into her nightmare. "Eames."

She was in her room, her bed, and there was a thumb stroking her cheek. She turned her head and found worried dark eyes.

She rolled onto her side and buried her face into his chest. His fingers gently kneaded small circles against her neck as her fists grabbed at his T-shirt.

Eames let out a frustrated sob.

"I'm so sick of this."

Goren kissed her hair. "You've only been home a few weeks—"

"I don't care. I'm just…I'm so tired."

Both of them were. She was going to therapy, but she hadn't really told Goren any specifics. He didn't leave her alone much, which he knew she found both frustrating and comforting. He was pretty sure she was having nightmares most nights, but only a couple nights did she wake up frantic and confused like this.

He was having them too, that is when he could actually sleep. His consisted of finding her mutilated body in the trunk of her car and Declan's taunting words of her having to be dead, but he didn't tell her about them.

"Can…can you tell me about it?" Goren finally asked.

"No…maybe…I don't know."

"You don't have to…whatever you need to do."

Her mind clouded with her memories: Jo Gage came into her home, drugged her and threw her in a trunk of a car. The same woman who not two days before sat in Goren and Eames' home and had dinner with them. She told Eames stories of a twenty-something Goren and the sixteen year old daughter of his mentor who had a hopeless crush on him. She watched this woman reminisce with Declan and Goren at her kitchen table and then play with her daughter on their living room floor.

Madison wouldn't leave her side since she had come home. Some days, Eames had to wrench herself away to make it to her therapy sessions, leaving a crying, pleading little girl in her wake and most nights Madison would worm her way in between Goren and Eames while they slept.

Eames took in deep breaths and slowly let them out. She focused on his fingers working at the knots in her neck and wiped her eyes. She aimlessly stared at the white cotton in front of her.

"I…I could hear…the other girl…screaming. She was so scared and in so much pain…and I don't even know how long it lasted…and then there was…nothing. I didn't know which was worse: the screams or the silence…" she let out another deep breath. "'Cause I knew it meant…"

"It meant…it mean you were next."

She nodded as she picked at the beginnings of a hole in the fabric in front of her.

"All I could think…was that I…I was going to ruin Madison's first day of school…she was going to start school in a few weeks and I wasn't going to be there because…because I'd be dead and how fucked up that be for her," she paused as she felt the slight hitch in his breath she knew he was trying to hide from her. "And I kept thinking of all the things I'd miss…how I'd never hold her…I thought about my nephew…and you…how'd I never feel you touch me again…"

"But here I am," he swallowed the lump in his throat. "…touching you, you touching me…solid, real."

She slid her arm up and around to squeeze him closer to her.

"Momma!" a sobbing Madison crawled up onto the bed.

Goren and Eames shifted and Madison buried her face into Eames' chest. Eames held her tightly, while Goren helplessly ran his fingers through the girl's hair.

"Baby, you've got to calm down," Eames said as she fought back her own tears and anger.

"Please don't leave again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mad. Did you have another nightmare?"

She nodded against her chest.

"Daddy couldn't find you."

Goren kissed her head and kept his mouth close to her ear.

"She didn't need me to find her, baby. Your mom…is strong…and smart and she found her own way back," he swallowed hard and looked up at Eames. "She always will."

They continued to watch each other as they each gently cocooned Madison with their hands and lulled her back to sleep.

Eames quietly cleared her throat. "Uh, Dr. Patel, thinks you should come with me to some of my sessions…"

Goren nodded reluctantly, wondering how long ago Dr. Patel had asked her to suggest this to him.

"O-okay," he said. "I…I think you…we…should ask her for someone to talk to Madison too…"

"I know," Eames said as tears welled in her eyes, but just as quickly pushed them away.

His hand reached out and landed on her cheek as his thumb swept along the bone. She squeezed her eyes shut and fought not to give into the tears banging at her eyelids.

"I…I am so sorry…" Goren whispered. "I should have—"

"Don't," Eames said, opening her eyes. "You do your guilt thing now we won't have anything to talk about in therapy."

He weakly chucked and she tried to smile.


	2. Siren Call

"Siren Call"

Eames fists tightened on the steering wheel and her anger rose with every light they hit. Goren stared out the window and rested his finger between his lips, watching blurs of the city pass by.

"How dare you let me find out like that!" she finally exploded.

"Eames—"

"No. Don't Eames me. How long have you known?"

He sighed and shifted in his seat.

"A…a couple weeks."

"Were you even planning on telling me?"

"I did tell you!" his own anger and frustration started to show in his voice.

"You told a suspect. I just happened to be in the same room."

"You've had enough to deal with."

She let out a disdainful snort.

"Of course…play the martyr card. Take it all on…weren't you the one telling Dr. Patel that you wanted me to be more open with you about the…everything…and now you pull this?"

"My mother has nothing to do with you're therapy sessions—"

"No, but she has a lot to do with _our_ therapy sessions—"

"I—"

His protest was interrupted by the buzz of his cell phone.

"Goren," he answered and paused to listen to Ross's voice. "Okay…yeah. We're on are way."

"What?"

"Wizenski, we…we need to get to his house."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They were silent and shaky as they returned to their desks. Separately, they gave their statements and reported to Ross, who was apologetic and ordered them home.

Goren picked his cell up from his desk and rubbed his hand against his face; seven messages.

Both were quiet as they stepped onto the elevator. She could tell he was debating something in his head and with the events of the day he had a plethora to choose from. She was sure he was blaming himself for Wizenski, wondering if she was mad at him for asking her to leave, and worrying about his mom.

They stepped into the parking garage and Goren stopped.

"I…uh…I need to go see my mom. I can just get an SUV from Ross…"

Eames nodded and he returned the gesture before turning back toward the elevator.

"Bobby?"

"What?" he turned and braced himself for another argument.

"I…I love you."

She quickly turned and walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eames lay in bed and stared at the shadows on the ceiling.

_What if he had gotten himself killed today? I can't go through that again…not now; not after everything that's happened._

It was midnight when she heard his footfalls, but they stopped short of their bedroom and faded into Madison's.

Goren pulled an old rocker close to Madison's bed and sat with his elbows on his knees. He hoped she would erase the image of Wizenski's little girl as she saw he father's body drop to the ground.

Madison burrowed her nose deeper into her pillow and breathed in a soft, steady rhythm.

It had been a little over a month since they put Madison into therapy. She was still uneasy and it was particularly hard last week when Eames went back to work, but most nights she slept through.

_Five years old_, he thought._ I never wanted her to feel like this…I never wanted her to feel unsafe. I tried so hard and I was just blindsided…_

He could feel Eames hovering in the doorway, but didn't turn to look at her.

"I…I'm sorry," he whispered. "I wanted to tell you…"

Eames grabbed his hand before he could continue.

"Come on," she said, slightly tugging on his arm. "She's finally sleeping through the night again…let's not wake her up."

He let her lead him into the living room. She curled up into one end of the sofa and he sat in the middle.

"I just…I couldn't tell you," he said, a blank stare on his face. "I tried…it would make it too real, I guess…"

"How bad is it?"

"Bad," the word barely came out of his mouth before pausing to collect himself. "The schizophrenia makes treatment…complicated…they don't really know how one set of drugs is going to effect the other…she…she doesn't have very many options."

Eames moved closer and threaded her arm around his as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you earlier, but please let me help you."

"Eames—"

"Bobby, I'm fine…I'm going to be fine and you shouldn't deal with this alone."

He nodded absently.

"I'll try," he said. "I…I may not be able to be around very much…"

"It's okay…just keep me in the loop."

They were quiet for a while and focused on the weight of the other.

"I'm sorry I told you to leave that room today…" Goren said suddenly.

Eames shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

He decided not to push the issue anymore. Both were just relieved that they were both there, a little worse for wear, but alive.

"Let's go to sleep," Eames said as she rose from the sofa.

He followed behind her as she went down the hall.

"Hey, Eames?"

"What?" she turned on her heel to face him.

"I love you too."


	3. The War at Home

"The War at Home"

He was hesitant when he came to the bedroom door, not sure if he should just head back to the sofa and sleep in his clothes. She lay on her side with her back to him when he finally opened the door.

He knew she wasn't asleep since she wasn't on her stomach and her shoulders were etched with tension.

Goren took off his flannel shirt, then smoothed the sleeves of the thermal tee underneath and hovered near the hamper, unsure of where to go.

"Did you mean it?" he heard her strained voice, but neither looked at the other.

He considered the question. "Not really."

Eames turned on the bedside lamp and sat up on her knees.

"How could you do that to me? You turned you're back on me twice today…leaving me to deal with Ross and—"

"Well you weren't exactly welcoming when I came back the first time," he snapped as he turned to face her.

"Oh, so I'm just suppose to sit and wait patiently until you're ready to play again?" she spat. "Fuck you, Goren."

Goren threw up his hands. "I can't do this."

He started toward the closed door.

"Don't you dare. You walk out on me again, you won't get another chance."

He glanced at her with eyes mixed with anger and sadness. He began to pace, clenching and unclenching his fists, until he finally settled in the corner chair.

She watched him bury his face in his hands, while her hurt and anger began to mingle with relief.

"Do…do I still have a job?"

Eames sighed. "Yeah…Bobby, what the hell were you thinking? You know Ross is just itching for an excuse to partner us with other people."

"I wasn't…I was frustrated…with Ross, Dockerty…mom. It's not like I can just explain to her I have to work…she doesn't…"

He rubbed his chin as Eames moved to sit on the ottoman in front of him

"Listen…Ross wants you to take some time off…I think you should take him up on it," she paused as he leaned his head back. "Take a couple weeks or however long you need. Go stay with your mom, talk to the doctors, try to find your brother…whatever you need to do."

"And you?"

She sighed and looked down at her lap.

"I think…maybe we could use a break from each other."

He sat up and looked in her eyes.

"Eames…please—"

"Just hear me out, okay? We've both been on edge and all we've been doing is snapping at each other because…we're easy targets…"

_And_, she silently added, _I need to know I can be by myself again._

"And Madison?"

"She has school."

"Are you going to stay at work?"

She shrugged. "Maybe…I don't know. I might be able to help Mike and Carolyn with some cases, but the point is you need to go. You'll call every night so Mad can talk to you…and I'll bring her up over the weekend, but please do this."

He was quiet for a while as he studied the hurt and worry in her eyes. All he wanted to do was wrap himself around her and lose himself in her scent, her body. He could pour all of his fear and anger into this woman and still wake up with her loyalty and love.

Goren nodded. "I…I'll go."

"Good," she said as she rose from the ottoman.

"Are…are we okay?"

"Right now, Bobby…I don't know…but we'll figure it out."

She crawled back into bed and rolled over onto her stomach.


	4. Privilege

**A/N: Grown up things happening here…**

"Privilege"

To any passerby they would appear to be any other couple that had just spent a romantic evening out on the town, and during fleeting moments in that ballroom they believed that themselves. They looked the part with him in a polished tuxedo and her in a black chiffon dress, but they were there to catch a perp, which they did, followed by paperwork, breaking any illusion they had of being any other man or woman.

They didn't get home until one in the morning. The apartment was dim and quiet, which neither were use to since it was rare for Madison to stay some place else.

Eames stood at the kitchen island and pulled clips from her hair. Goren watched her shoulder blades flex as she raised then lowered her arms.

He felt like he hadn't seen her in months, even though he had only been away a little over one and he had seen her most weekends, but during those times they both focused on Madison and didn't talk about much else. She would pry little bits of information out of him and he offered bare explanations to her as to how his mother was doing.

It seemed the minute he got back to work they were handed this case and it proved to be an ample distraction from everything they didn't know how to say.

He continued to watch her muscles move up and down as he remembered the simplicity of her beauty; how one slight shift of her hip or rise of her arm could leave him completely engulfed by her.

His fingertips found their way along her bare spine and he felt a familiar shudder through his hand. He knew she was going for coy and aloof as she tossed her fingers through her newly freed honey locks.

He stepped closer and kissed her neck as he slid his hands down her arms.

"You know," his breath danced along the crook of her neck. "When you came into the bullpen in this dress…I didn't think I was going to make it through the night."

The dress was billowy and form fitting at the same time, stopping just above her knee to show her muscular calves.

She leaned against him. "Glad you noticed."

"I never stopped noticing."

Eames turned around and played with the buttons on his shirt. He weaved his hands through her messy hair and then leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

Lips parted and tongues tasted, as Eames locked her arms around his neck. Their moans vibrated off the other's lips and a long neglected ache stabbed at their guts.

Goren lifted her onto the counter, which brought her almost to his height.

He broke the kiss, but kept his eyes locked on hers, as his hands traveled up her thighs.

In his eyes she saw a glimmer of a man she hadn't seen in quite a while. This wasn't her friend, who sat and laughed with her, nor was it her husband, who made love as a gesture of affection and comfort. It certainly wasn't her weary partner, who, on occasion showed up to fuck her after an aggravating case.

The man standing between her knees and tasting the curve of her neck was her lover, who with the right touch made every limb on her body shake and could liquefy her bones.

The warmth of his hands left her thighs and came to stroke her cheeks.

"You still with me?" his voice was soft, but strong; affectionate, but demanding.

She smiled and hooked her legs around his waist.

"Oh yeah," she breathed against his mouth and arched her hips against his.

His breath caught in his throat and he smiled against a mesh of lips and teeth.

He carried her back to their bedroom and hovered above her as he nipped at her neck.

"You're gonna wrinkle the dress," she teased.

He nodded as he looked up at her. "I think we can fix that."

His hands were back on her thighs and he inched the dress up until he pulled it over her head.

He left her on the bed in black under-things and he playfully hung the dress on it's hanger with his eyes never leaving her.

She twisted her knees to one side so that her right hip was slightly raised and she watched him shed his shirt and then his slacks.

He stood above her, tracing the curve of her hip, and she twisted again slightly to slide her toes up his boxers. He caught her calf in his palm and moved it down so he could trail kisses along her stomach with prickly stubble tickling soft skin.

She was urged to arch her back as he wormed a hand under her and snapped off her bra. He drew on sensitive skin with calloused fingers and then warm lips.

Finally, he began to pull down her panties and left kisses on her thigh, knee, calf, ankle, foot and toes as he went. He stepped out of his boxers and draped his body over hers.

They were both still as he studied her flushed cheeks and hazy eyes, and focused on the feel of her fingertips on the back of his neck. They both knew that it would be a while before they got to see the person in front of them again; people neither wanted to forget.

As she felt the weight of him on her thigh, he parted her lips with his own and snaked a hand between their bodies to guide him inside her.

He reveled in her breathy whimpers and the power she gave up to him, though they both knew, if she chose, she could own him completely. Silently they both agreed for him to lead and so for a while they forgot. They weren't cops, there was no kidnapping, and no one was dying. He was just a man coming home from a lavish party with his wife.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sun seeped into their bedroom where they slept warm and naked with Eames partially draped over his chest.

It was the first deep sleep he can remember since before the kidnapping, but he still was the first to hear the faint buzz of his cell phone. He couldn't seem to move and didn't want to lose the sensation of this beautiful woman molded to his side.

The ringing stopped only to resume a few minutes later. Eames stirred and while still on autopilot shifted to her side.

Goren pushed himself off the bed and pulled on a pair of baggy sweats before fishing his phone out of his discarded slacks.

"Hi, mom," he spoke hoarsely into the phone.

"What took you so long?" Frances Goren's voice floated through the speaker.

"I was asleep," he said as he sat in the corner chair. "I told you we would be out la—"

"Frank's already here and you're still asleep…hurry up…I need to talk to both of you."

"Wait, Frank's there?"

"The doctor's here. I'll see you soon."

She hung up before he could get any other words out.

He tossed the phone on the ottoman and rubbed his face in his hands.

Eames crawled out of bed and slipped on Goren's rumpled dress shirt.

He didn't notice her until he felt her hand comb through his hair and he looked up at her with tired eyes.

"Hey," she said softly.

He placed his hands on her hips and gently pulled her down to his knee. He leaned back in the chair, taking her with him so that her forehead rested against his neck, and he absently drew circles on her knee.

"I have to go…" he spoke just barely above a whisper.

"I know."

"I was hoping to go with you to get Madison…"

"Carrie probably wouldn't mind keeping her for the day…I could come with you."

Goren shook his head. "Frank's supposedly there…and that can always be…unpredictable. Anyway, Madison probably needs to see you."

"She needs to see you too."

He knew she didn't mean for those words to sting, but they still did.

"I know," he sighed. "I'll try to be back early. Maybe we can actually sit and have dinner."

"I could pick something up from that Italian place you like," Eames offered.

He nodded, but both knew there was a good possibility he would be eating his favorite meal after it was cold and after his daughter was asleep.

He pressed his lips to her temple.

"I really will try."

"I know."

"You should go back to sleep," he said. "I need to get a shower and head out."

She tightened her arms around his neck and burrowed her nose against his skin, while he pressed his palms against her back in an effort to bring her closer to him.

Eames pulled back and lightly kissed his lips.

"Be careful," she said, to which he nodded.

She crawled out of his lap and back into bed, while he headed for the shower.


	5. Brother's Keeper

"Brother's Keeper"

Goren was numb as Eames followed him out of the Morgue doors. He walked down the hall, not really aware of where he was going.

"Bobby?" her voice was soft and concerned, and he turned toward it. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, unconvincingly.

"I think I'm…I'm gonna go for a walk…"

"Bobby—"

"Please…I just need some time to think. I'll meet you back at home."

She watched him round the corner before she could protest and sighed her defeat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He stayed out later than he should have wandering the city and bought at pack of cigarettes he shouldn't have. He managed to only give into three, even though he could have gone through most of the pack if he had wanted, but passed it off to a homeless guy instead.

A lamp in the living room was the only light in the apartment and on the sofa he found Eames asleep with Madison partially on top of her.

Goren sat on the coffee table and watched them. After a few minutes, Madison opened her eyes and looked up at Goren.

"Hi, daddy," she whispered.

"Hey, baby. Why don't we get you back to bed?"

He carefully picked her up, so not to disturb Eames, and headed toward her bedroom.

"Where'd you go?" she asked.

"Just for a walk. What are you doing out of bed, baby?"

"Momma needed me. She was worried."

Goren laid her down on her bed then knelt beside it as he pulled the covers around her.

"Did…did she say she was worried?"

No…I could just tell," she said. "Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"Is momma mad at you?"

He thought for moment. "Maybe a little…"

"What did you do to make her mad?"

Goren sighed uncomfortably. "It's hard to explain…it's not really one thing…but don't worry, okay? We'll figure it out."

He kissed her head and smoothed back her hair. He knew he said the words as much for himself as for her.

She watched him for a moment and he knew she was deciding whether or not to let it go.

"Is it because of grandma?" she asked.

Goren shifted, resting his elbow on the bed, and wished he hadn't passed on his inability to let things go.

"It's not grandma's fault," he said. "It…uh…it's just hard…because grandma needs me a lot…right now…"

"Her head's not getting better?" Madison asked.

Goren smiled, sadly. "It's not her head that's sick right now…"

"But she will get better, right?"

Goren ran his palm along her head and realized for the first time in her life he was at a loss as to what to say to her. He couldn't tell his five year old that her grandmother had a matter of months or weeks to live, but he didn't want to lie to her either.

"We…um…her doctors…are trying really hard to make her better…"

He stared into her dark eyes, that where too thoughtful for a child her age, as she studied his.

"Can I go see her?" she asked.

"We'll see, okay, baby? Now…why don't you try to go back to sleep," Goren said, mindlessly tucking the covers around her.

She sighed and reluctantly rolled over to her side.

"Love you, daddy."

"I love you, baby," he said then kissed her head again.

He watched her snuggle into her pillow before he walked back to the sofa.

He leaned to brush his lips to Eames' forehead and then sat back down on the coffee table.

He sighed with a haggard breath and wiped at his eyes with one hand.

"The whole time we were headed to the morgue…all I could think about was: what am I going to tell mom," his voice was hushed and strained. "There's no way she could have taken that…and she would have found some way to blame me. She said a few weeks ago he was there, but when I got there he was no where in sight…I thought she had imagined him, but now I don't know, maybe he was there.

"Seems like I don't know anything anymore…I just keep screwing everything up…with mom, the job, you, Madison. I realized I have no idea what's going on in her life. In five years I've never felt like that. I'm tired of…everything…all I want to do is come home to you guys, but I have to go argue with doctors and nurses…or try to calm my mom…or argue with her.

"Of course, maybe both of you are better off…what if I could do to Madison what Declan did to Jo? I…I could never forgive myself.

"I miss you, but I don't know how to fix it…I—"

Eames began to shift on the sofa and her eyes slowly opened.

"Bobby? Did you say something?" she said as she rubbed her eyes.

He shook his head, chasing away the tears that clogged his throat. "No."

She sat up and leaned forward so that their knees touched.

"Is Madison back in bed?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

Goren nodded. "I'll be all right…I'm going to go to bed."

He quickly kissed her forehead and then retreated down the hall.

Eames sighed and swallowed hard.

"I miss you too."

**A/N: I know this has been pretty angsty and sad, but I promise there will be some light eventually…but it was just a really sad season for these two.**


	6. Silencer

**A/N: More grown up things happening…**

"Silencer"

Eames watched Goren leave the bullpen. She knew he had to go; that his mother was making it difficult for him not to, but she was still tired of cleaning up and heading home by herself.

"Alex?" a newly familiar voice called her out of her thoughts.

She turned to find Peter, with a small, sweet smile.

"Thank you for all your help on this case," Eames said.

"It was my pleasure…I was wondering if you might want to go grab a drink with me?"

It was moments like this that she cursed wearing her wedding ring on a chain and not on her finger.

"I'm sorry…I really should get home to my daughter."

"Oh…I didn't realize…but still I'm going anyway. Just one drink…you look like you could unwind a little."

_You have no idea._

She thought for a moment. Madison would be fine with Eleanor for an extra half hour and she really could use a drink.

"Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She sat on her side of the bed reading a book when Goren walked into the bedroom. Her hair was still damp from the shower she jumped in with Madison, in an effort to clean the smell of smoke off her body she got from the bar.

"Hey," he said tentatively. "You're up."

She could tell he was tense, agitated, and imagined his mother had had a particularly rough day.

"I am…"

He caught the faint smell of vodka as she spoke and gave her a suspicious look. They didn't keep hard liquor in the house.

"Did…did you go out?" he asked.

"I had a drink with Peter."

Then he noticed her hair. Eames usually didn't shower at night.

Goren moved further into the room and threw his jacket and tie on the chair, as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She wore one of his T-shirts, with her bare legs tucked under her.

He debated what to say next. He could let it go, since there was probably a reasonable explanation, but he wasn't feeling particularly reasonable.

"Did you do anything else with Peter?"

She dropped her book and stared up at him.

"Why would you ask me that?" she said as she rose from the bed.

"Why…why did you shower?"

She began to stalk toward him.

"You can't be serious."

"Why won't you answer the question?"

She should have said _because I'm sick of letting you get away with acting like an asshole and thinking you're the only one hurting right now_, but what came out was: "What do you want me to say? That I went and got plastered and let him fuck me up against a wall, before coming home to tuck in our daughter."

"Well… that was a pretty vivid description."

The anger and frustration that had been seated in is eyes before he even came through the front door, shifted and grew in stature.

"Maybe I should have…he wanted to," she said stepping closer. "That's a lot more than I can say for you recently."

He studied her with cold, dark eyes and then closed the distance between them. He grabbed her wrists in his hands and claimed her mouth as his own. She wrenched her hands free and, as a show to her own strength and anger, pulled herself to his height, wrapping her legs around his waist. He spun them around and pressed her into the far wall of their bedroom.

The rest was a blur of frustration, lust, and desperation. At some point her panties ended up on the floor and his pants around his ankles. She wasn't completely ready for the pressure of him entering her and groaned as her back was pushed further and further into the plaster.

Neither lasted long and Goren dropped down to his knees, taking her weight with him. Both drew in shaky breaths mixed with satisfaction and guilt. Eames rested her head on his shoulder. His hands sat on her hips and his cheek grazed her hair.

"I…"Goren took in a deep breath as his heart slowed. "I'm sorry…this…it shouldn't have happened like this."

"Don't…I pretty much dared you," she said and swallowed back a fearful cry. "Please believe, that I would nev—"

"I know…I shouldn't have said anything…I guess…I guess I just wanted something else to think about."

"And picking a fight with me was the best idea you had?"

"Apparently."

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone with him…but I just wanted to have a conversation with someone who isn't a five year old."

Goren sighed and kept his voice soft. "I…I told you I wouldn't be able to be around much. I thought you un—"

"I'm not mad about you not being here…I'm mad that you don't talk to me when you are. We've been married three years…we've been partners for nearly nine…and it's still like pulling teeth to get you to talk to me about what's going on in your head. I thought we were getting better, but then all this shit happened and it's like we've taken ten steps back…sometimes…sometimes I feel like you don't trust me anymore…"

"It's…it's not you I don't trust."

"I know you think you're protecting us, but it just hurts, Bobby."

At the slight crack in her voice, he buried his nose in the crook of her neck and swallowed back the tears that had been warring inside him for months.

"I…I want to talk to you…I do…but when it comes to my mom…I don't know how to talk about it…at first it was the dirty little secret my dad always forced us to hide and then it was just me and her…I'm not use to this subject being okay to talk about…or other people being able to handle it—"

"Six years! I've been handling it and she's never scared me away," she could feel him beginning to protest. "I know I haven't seen her at her worst, but there have been times that she's said some pretty harsh things to me, but I've also seen enough to know that's not who she really is…and Madison has never even been phased by the few outbursts she's seen…she wants to see her…she should see her…"

"I know."

"Please let us be apart of this…"

Goren sighed against her neck. "I just…I don't want either of you—"

"We'll be okay…but you won't be if you keep doing this all on your own. We can help you if you just let us…"

He tightened his arms around her and she responded with locking her arms around his neck.

"I really don't deserve you," he said, quietly.

"Then we should feel real sorry for whoever does, 'cause I'm not going anywhere."

She felt a hint of a smile against her neck.

"Okay…t-tomorrow…when I go to see her…I'll take you and Madison."

Eames smiled and lightly kissed his neck. "Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They were both quiet, enjoying the scent and feel of each other.

She lightly kissed the stubbly skin of his neck, occasionally tasting the skin with the tip of her tongue, and hoped to lessen his guilt surrounding their recent coupling.

"Eames?"

"Hmm?"

"My knees are killing me."


	7. Endgame

**A/N: Okay so it was really hard to write this without melodrama, but hopefully it isn't too over powering. This takes place the same night Goren went alone to see Brady and then to his mother, but I am assuming that his mother doesn't pass until a day or two later. **

"Endgame"

He stumbled through the door around one in the morning and was surprised to find lights still on. He should have known she would have waited up; he knew she didn't like him going off alone to talk to Brady.

He locked the door as quietly as he could and started down the hall toward the bedroom.

"Bobby?" Eames worried, but forceful voice fluttered down to his ears.

He paused and sighed heavily, before reluctantly turning around.

"Eames, please—"

"No! You go to see Brady alone and then disappear for the rest of the night," she gave up trying to control the anger and frustration in her tone. "I know you went to see your mom, because I called once it got to be ten. They said you left an hour ago, so I figured you be home within the hour….but you don't show up until one. I thought you might have had an accident or—"

"You're going to wake Madison," he said, trying to keep his voice calm and even.

"She's sleeping at Eleanor's, so you can't use her as an excuse not to talk to me."

"I'm not!" he said, beginning to lose the control over his tone.

"God damn it, Bobby! Didn't we just have a fight about this not three weeks ago? What do I have to do?"

"This is different!"

He had started to fidget and pace in erratic circles.

"Oh the hell it is! You've been moving further and further away ever…hell I think ever since I came home from the hospital…don't you see what you're doing to us…to Madison—"

"This isn't about you!" he said with a tone he had never directed toward her before. This was his voice reserved for suspects.

"You selfish son of a bitch…I'm your family…what happens to you happens to me!"

She drew in a heavy breath and tentatively began to close the distance between them. He kept his eyes on the ground and held up a hand, affectively warding her off.

She cautiously watched him as he began to clench and unclench his fist. Eames felt her hands shaking as he stopped suddenly and slammed his left fist into the wall, leaving a small crater.

He leaned his back against the wall and covered his eyes with his right hand as he slid down to the floor. He tightened and released the fingers on his left hand before letting them rest against his bent knee.

Goren was still.

Eames slowly walked over to him and slid down beside him. She craned her neck to look up at the hole and let out a shaky breath.

"Well…at least you're tall…we can probably just hang a picture over it and no one will be the wiser…"

She thought she heard a faint laugh as she looked at his left hand. It was dusty with plaster and the skin on the middle knuckle had scrapped off. Her hand hovered above his, as if testing the waters, before placing it on top of his.

He didn't flinch or try to pull away.

Silence surrounded them. She wanted to speak, but couldn't afford another hole in the wall.

Goren slid his hand down his face and his index finger came to rest on his lips as he stared straight ahead at the blank wall.

"She…she could never be sure," he mumbled, bitterly.

Eames shook her head and then looked toward him, but he still refused to return her gaze.

"Sure? About what?" she asked softly.

Eames watched his jaw clench and his brow furrow as his glazed eyes focused on one point across from him.

"She wasn't his…his victim. She was…" he swallowed down the bile threatening to inch up his throat. "He was her lover."

The strength in her own jaw slackened as she realized what he was telling her.

"She could never be sure?" Eames couldn't hide the anger and disgust toward his mother.

"It would explain so much," he said weakly.

"It doesn't change anything."

"Doesn't it?" he said, swinging his eyes toward hers. "I…I wanted to kill him. I damn near did…"

"But you didn't."

"He told me…I had it in me."

"That's bullshit, Bobby. He doesn't know anything about you. You're the one whose always standing up for people who no one else thinks deserves it," Eames said. "Even if it is true, it doesn't change who you are."

He ran his hand over his face and turned to stare at the wall again.

"I'm not sure if I know who that is anymore," Goren said. "My whole world…just…was never what I thought it was."

"Not you're whole world…"

"Dad…Declan…Brady…none of them were what I thought they were," he said, seemingly unaware of what she had said. "I hated him so much…they way he treated her…treated me and Frank…I never…I never thought he would have reason…"

Eames sighed, helplessly, and sat up on her knees. She rung her hands together, wanting to touch him, but not sure if he would shrug her off, unwilling to believe what she might say.

"Please look at me," she said.

He faintly shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Please," she pleaded.

"Eames…I can't…I…"

He knew if he looked at her, saw the tears he could hear in her voice, it would finish him.

"Then you can at least listen…shut off all those thoughts in your head and listen to me," she said. "You remember when I told you there was no one else I would feel safer leaving my child with…well it's still true. You have never been your father and you never will be…you're nothing like any of them."

He felt salty, warm tears fighting against his lashes and tightened his eyelids.

She no longer cared if he tried to push her away and would fight him if she had to, but he let her pull his head into her lap. He tightened his arms around her hips, while she leaned forward, cocooning him with her torso and smoothing her hands along his back.

"We need you," she said her throat tightening with the threat of tears.

"You've never needed me, Eames…y-you've always been the strong…the steady one—"

"That's not true!" she said firmly. "You think you're the only one who got lucky in all of this? I never thought I'd have this again…don't ever think that I don't need you as much as you need me…we'll figure this out. Okay, baby? We'll figure this out…"

**A/N: Okay so that's the end, but I am going to continue this story line including his mother's death/funeral in a story called Pointing Home, so be on the look out if you want more of a resolution to this story. Thanks for reading. I'm also thinking about trying to adapt Amends to this verse as well…let me know if you guys would like to see that… **


End file.
